November 18, 2003

This Complete Breakfast

A law enforcement guide to breakfast cereal.

Precious Commodities

  • Cookie Crisp - heist attempts are so common that many larger cities have a special Cookie Crime unit
  • Lucky Charms - many reported attacks on leprechauns by youth gangs in search of these

Controlled Substances

  • Frosted Flakes - performance enhancer, banned by the Olympic Committee
  • Cocoa Pops - stimulant
  • Corn Pops - addictive, users experience withdrawal pangs and rage
  • Trix - sold over the counter in most states with proper child ID

What did I miss?
Posted by Joe Hughes at November 18, 2003 10:19 AM | TrackBack
Comments

I would assume that Captain Crunch operates under maritime law. (Though who knows what sort of hijinks go on in international waters...)

Also, I'm pretty sure Froot Loops are a protected resource under endangered species acts, though the Bush administration may change that through regulatory action.

Posted by: Michael Higgins on November 18, 2003 11:11 AM

Argh. Comment spammers + b0rken LiveJournal RSS support = teh suck.

Posted by: Joe Hughes on January 26, 2004 09:58 AM
Post a comment