The Brunch Table

11/18/2003

This Complete Breakfast

Filed under: — Joe @ 10:19 am

A law enforcement guide to breakfast cereal.

Precious Commodities

  • Cookie Crisp – heist attempts are so common that many larger cities have a special Cookie Crime unit
  • Lucky Charms – many reported attacks on leprechauns by youth gangs in search of these

Controlled Substances

  • Frosted Flakes – performance enhancer, banned by the Olympic Committee
  • Cocoa Pops – stimulant
  • Corn Pops – addictive, users experience withdrawal pangs and rage
  • Trix – sold over the counter in most states with proper child ID


What did I miss?

  • http://www.livejournal.com/users/sui66iy/ Michael Higgins

    I would assume that Captain Crunch operates under maritime law. (Though who knows what sort of hijinks go on in international waters…)

    Also, I’m pretty sure Froot Loops are a protected resource under endangered species acts, though the Bush administration may change that through regulatory action.

  • http://vector.retrovirus.com Joe Hughes

    Argh. Comment spammers + b0rken LiveJournal RSS support = teh suck.

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